Habits of Healthy Couples
- Samantha Nicole
- Jul 13, 2020
- 12 min read
Updated: Jul 14, 2020
Being in a relationship with someone is a whole new ball game. That time that would normally be spent alone is not put into something much greater – someone else’s future.
Ultimately, the goal of committing to one person is to have a loving and enjoyable life as a team and partner in crime.
Not only are there happy marriages, but there are healthy marriages.
STRONG marriages.
So, put your focus on how to have a STRONG, HAPPY, and HEALTHY relationship.
Getting married is the end goal, right? Once we feel it is time to move onto the next chapter in the book of life the word, “marriage” comes to life and no one ever said that it would be “easy”. To feel happy and secure within a marriage means to have a sturdy foundation in a relationship. That does not always mean that every day is going to be sunshine and roses or that it will not take work. It does!
I prefer to use the word “EFFORT” a tad more than work. It takes effort to make this great. Every couple goes through hard times – ups and downs, they have disagreements.
It is how those couples handle the bad times. And how grateful they are for the good times.
The secret sauce is here, ready for it? There is not one way that can make it all work. I know, it is such a bummer. I am one that falls for that secret sauce recipe whenever there is one.
Time to turn off cruise control and take control!
Ask yourself these 3 questions:
1. What do you want out of a relationship?
2. What are you willing to do to get there?
3. What does a healthy relationship mean to you?
If you answered ‘YES’ to any of these questions and believe that all those things are achievable then you will want to keep reading and scroll down to find out some of these key tips that healthy and happy couples do to make their love worth the while.
Here are 17 Simple Tips on How to Have a Happy and Healthy Marriage
1. Support Each Other
Although not every relationship has strong stability for support, it is never too late to build it. Being supportive – even when you may not like the idea of it – is sometimes the best way to guide someone through a path rather than stepping in.
Another important note for this one is to not create a scenario that is best for YOU unless it is good for them as well.
When it comes to life, sometimes things do not work out as planned and simply being there as a listening ear can mean a whole lot more than taking a bad situation and rubbing it in their face. This is not a time for, “I told you so,” type of thing.
Support your significant other in the same way that you would want to be supported in a reciprocated situation. Karma always comes back around.
Plus, when we are building a life with someone else, we want what is in their best interest and giving that support just backs up how much you care for the relationship.
2. Know Your Love Languages
Sharing a life with another human being comes with different styles of showing appreciation and love. It is important to know exactly what makes that person tick. I stumbled upon a book about love languages a couple of years ago and it is a complete game changer.
It is so awesome to understand how certain people are and why. It is comparable to when you find that most perfect pair of leggings and feel the need to share them with the world. Honestly, comfortable, and perfectly fit leggings are not easy to come by.
There are five love languages that are explored in how people give and receive love. These five can be through words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.
Mine is acts of service and quality time while my partner is receiving gifts, and words of affirmation. Of course, not forgetting that physical touch is just as important when building a strong connection in a relationship.
Check out the 5 love languages and you may be surprised what your partner needs so that they can thrive just as well in a healthy relationship.
3. Make Time For Each Other
Life can sometimes get in the way of our personal lives and add more to our already busy plate. We all get it – people are busy – I do not like to use that word, since it is almost second nature to say how “busy” we are.
Busy is just a way of saying that our priorities are somewhere else.
A lot of people juggle many different things from business to personal. The two categories we focus on the most are Work & Family and they both take up so much of our time. Not to mention everything else that gets thrown into the mix.
As “busy” as life may seem, making time for a significant other in a relationship or marriage should be non-negotiable. Happy couples always make time for each other no matter where they find it. Every little bit of time can make the greatest difference.
4. Do Relationship “Tune-Ups”
This may come as a shock to you, but a relationship is not going to always have you floating on cloud 9. Happy couples pick up on this right away and they will immediately follow a path rightful to do something about it.
Sometimes the issue could be as simple as needing a night out together, or more quality time.
Maybe it could be something deeper, then again, all relationships are different. When things are starting to feel a little off, happy couples take initiative to alleviate any future concerns.
Let me repeat that.
Happy couples are not always happy because no one is a robot and we are only human. Two people in a relationship create chance and that means that both of you will not always be on your “A” game 100% of the time.
Remember, you are a team. Do not forget that!
5. Keep Things Private
Some things are just meant to stay between two people, sometimes only one. I love to hear things about my partners day like anything new that happened or what he had for lunch.
Sharing parts of my life is something that I love to do and hear about. I am genuinely interested in listening to my significant other's day and all the good and bad things that happen.
It is OK to share some things with your co-workers or best friend if their opinion of a situation is not determining the outcome of your relationship. Remember, we all have tiffs to work through and sometimes it is best left unshared.
Keeping things private limits any idea of questioning. Some things are meant to just stay between the four corners of your home.
6. Do NOT Push Buttons
I know this one can be challenging at times, we come home from a long day at work and can feel the temptation rising in the room when you both sit down, and you really are in need of some attention or just want to vent out the long day..
I promise you on this one, as easy as it is to pounce on the idea of pushing the buttons of my other half, it is not a good idea. I am working on it!
Even though we want to take it back as soon as it happens, we simply cannot. And getting underneath their skin will more than likely cause other concerns later down the road. Time travel would be amazing for this one…
So, I have learned to keep my hands to myself and my mouth shut when I am feeling like picking. It really does pay off in the long haul.
"A great relationship is about two thing: first, appreciating their similarities and second, respecting their differences."
7. Do Not Compare
I know that this can be easier said than done especially considering all the sources available to us today like social media.
A picture can be powerful and send you into a downward spiral or wishing and wanting and it is okay to think “what-if,” making sure we do not lose sight of our own lane.
Try this technique – when you are falling down the comparison black hole, take a step back and write down a few things that you love about your relationship.
In the morning when I wake up, before anything, I write in my Gratitude Sidekick Journal, where I write down all the things in my life that I am grateful for. It really changes the way I look at life, you may be surprised exactly what you find!
8. Show Kindness
Giving the same kindness back can speak much louder than words ever will. Using appropriate manners and saying a simple, “please & thank you,” can really go a long way. Oh yeah and apologizing when in a heated moment.
These are the most basic of manners. No mother ever taught their offspring how not to say, "I'm sorry" or how to be disrespectfu.
Simply stated, “just be kind,” because it is not hard, but something that can easily fall through the cracks.
Using simple words of respectful words will show that affection that is still alive between the two of you.
Who said chivalry is just for men? This goes both ways and a healthy marriage is not a one-way street.
9. Appreciate Each Other
Not all relationships share the same healthy habits as others and that is the same for the way we feel. We can sometimes assume that the other person knows how the other one feels and maybe they do…
But that does not mean that it does not feel good to hear those words of appreciation out loud.
It feels good to be told, “great job,” or “I am proud of you,” and maybe, “thank you for all that you do,” just like at work or in school. Being noticed is something that we as humans are grateful to hear.
If you appreciate your partner as much as you say you do, tell them!
There does not have to be a long testament, but something short will do just as nice.
10. Make Time for Yourself
Yes, you are in a relationship with another human being and most of your time is spent with someone else. That does not mean that you cannot live your own life; you are still your own person.
It is extremely critical that a relationship does not define who you are and who you become – unless that person is a better version than before – and that means the identity you had before your commitment to one another is still you.
Having that “me” time is important. Here are some tips for self-care that may help you rekindle your old self.
I often get caught up in spending time with partner and doing what makes him happy, vice versa. There are many things that he does just to make me happy. I also know that for US to be happy a healthy balance is necessary.
11. Have fun
Fun can mean anything, whether you and your partner are natural goofballs together or you will do anything to lift that frown upside down when your S.O. has a bad case of the slumps. Everything in life has two sides to it: Love or Fear.
Laugh together and find something that you both love to do together or can make jokes at. Be silly together and just let loose. What ever that means to the two of you!
There is plenty of seriousness in this world to go around and nothing beats having a genuinely fun time together than just forgetting about all of the stressors in life.
Laugh until you make an embarrassing sounds, that is one of my favorite things. My belly cramps up from laughing so much that I cannot breathe. Nothing beats this at all!
12. Do not keep score
Committing ourselves to one another does not sign us up for a multiplayer board game. There is no competition when two people are in a relationship together – there is no game to play other than playing on the same team.
There is no need for a scoreboard and no need to bring up a game of “he said/she said,” since what happens in the past stays in the past.
Trying to compete against each other or make the other person feel like everything is a game will only create a negative foundation in any type of relationship. Honestly, trying to “win” all the time gets no one anywhere.
So, just do not play it like it is a game of Life and someone is going to race to the finish line. Live each moment like it is the present.
Literally.
13. Watch your words
Speaking in an affectionate and respectful ways can sometimes be difficult especially when caught up in the heat of the moment. Having a relationship built on the foundations of respect will draw the path of the future that relationship will unfold in to.
Once words are said, they cannot be taken back. Ever here the phrase, “if you do not have anything nice to say, then do not say anything at all,” I swear it was designed just for me. Being mean can often feel like a good release then, but the repercussions are not so great afterwards.
It is much better to be thoughtful and conscious of what we say, and this goes for all relationships, not just intimate ones.
14. Show Affection
For those of us who do not love the idea of PDA (Public Display of Affection) sometimes it can pay off with wonderful benefits. Give a hug, kiss, hold hands as you and your partner are walking down the street or crossing the parking lot into a shopping mall.
The brain is a beautiful tool and when we give/get affection in all different ways a group of chemicals known as serotonin is released – AKA the happy drug.
I love to hold hands although it is such a small and simple thing. It brings my partner and I closer together physically, mentally, and emotionally. But those little things make the greatest difference.
I am not saying that you should be jumping around giving each other piggyback rides all day, unless that is your thing, but a kiss on the cheek or slap on the behind never hurt anyone.
15. Speak Openly
This is a nice way of saying to have disagreements. You do not hear that every day, but sometimes the things that are not mentioned are the ones that need the most attention. And this is one of those moments to spend more time disagreeing.
If you and your significant other are not having disagreements, it may mean one of two things:
1. You or your partner may be holding things in
2. You have been through this in the past and are on a healthy path
If you can relate more to #2 then I would question why you are reading this, but if you are straight and narrowed in on #1 then someone in the relationship may be walking on eggshells while the other is digging their feet into the sand.
Having healthy discussions may bring the two of you closer together. It is that simple. There are many ways to improve communication. I am going to include these tips on how to better communicate with your partner.
16. Put the Phone Down
This may be a challenging one for some of you, but no one wants to commit to someone who is staring directly at their phone constantly. Nothing infuriates me more than seeing couples out on a date and they are both nose deep into their phones! Like, what could really be that interesting?
It has almost become a daily norm to be on the phone constantly and I believe that people sometimes do this without even noticing that our phones are almost like another limb.
It is crucial to be with your partner and all phones away when you are together. No one should have to feel like they are competing with a phone.
How annoying is it when you are with you partner and they are always getting calls and texts? This is enough madness to drive a woman crazy! Men can go mad, too.
Communicating the need to make a phone call or take a call is simpler than having someone question your every move. Pretending to listen is much worse than not acknowledging and acting like they are.
Healthy marriages and relationships give full attention when asked.
17. Make the Most of Your Time Together
This is a little throwback to what we talked about on #3!
With all that life has to offer, it is important to make the most out of the time that you have with your S.O. I used to think that my boyfriend needed an entire day of my time to make up for the hecticness of life. I was wrong and when I found out that any little bit of time counted, I realized the realistic expectations that were set for my relationship.
We do not always have an entire day of no plans to commit and give to someone else, it is simply not real life.
But it is more honest to say that there are a couple hours of my days that I can commit to sharing with my other half.
In the morming for breakfast we spend time together and eat before the busy day. Call each other and meet for lunch or chat throughout the day.
There was more time to give when I broke our time down into smaller segments. Maybe you only have 20-minutes at night and that is OKAY, some time is better than none. Especially when that is the only time you have.
Let me say this all again.
Happy couples are not happy all the time. No one is a robot. We are humans. And there are two people in a relationship that are living two completely separate lives trying to accommodate another human being at the same time.
The objective is to make the most out of life and sharing that with someone can be a gratifying experience if done in a thoughtful way. There is no right or wrong way to love someone, but there is a way to be aware of our actions and how they affect others around us.
Chances are both of you will not be on your game 100% of the time.
But you are a team. Don’t forget that!
If you enjoyed this post, make sure to like, share, and subscribe to my newsletter so that you never miss out on any new materials or posts! I would love to hear your comments on how your relationship has thrived. I look forward to seeing your beautiful soul in my next post.
See you next time!
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